“You’re doing a great job mama.” I always tell this to my fellow mamas out there, but I should have said this to myself today.
I knew having two kids wasn’t going to be a walk in the park and I was totally prepared to be up feeding a newborn all night. However, since the night I went into labor Carter stopped sleeping 7p-7a. Tanner’s feedings are honestly a breeze. He wakes up twice a night, nurses for 5 minutes and goes right back to sleep. But Carter has been waking at least once a night and stays up for a good bit before falling back to sleep. Last night he refused to go in his crib. Period. He finally fell asleep on me at 11pm, Chris put him in his crib and he woke up at 4am ready to start his day.
And then there was nap time…another nightmare. I finally let him scream in his crib for 20 minutes and he finally fell asleep. He only slept for 45 minutes, and refused his second nap. Needless to say today was a hard day for us. On top of all of the lack of sleep, this is day 5 of a bad cold for me.
I lost my patience multiple times today. I let him watch tv instead of playing outside, and best of all…since he refused his dinner, I let him eat American deli cheese for dinner.
I felt like a failure today. I kept thinking I really suck as a mom today, I was supposed to work out because this FUPA is making me self conscious and summer is coming, how do all these other blog/vlog mamas have this perfectly clean house with these perfect photos and perfect lighting with their perfect bodies in their perfect clothing while I’m over here in workout clothes, a belly wrap, and a bun on top of my head and my kid is covered in mac and cheese, and my house looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in years when it was actually clean this morning?! SHHHHHH I could not get out of that mindset. I was spiraling out of control with my thoughts.
Finally my husband came home early (God bless his soul) and I took a nap. Sleep is an amazing thing. I feel a little less like a monster and more like a mother. I realized that me being so mean to myself makes for an even worse day.
I am not that blog/vlog mom with the perfect body, the perfectly put together house, the perfect photos, or the perfect life. I am Tiffani. I’m doing the best I can and my kids are happy. Comparison is a joy kill! I think I owe myself an apology because you know what? I am enough.
To all my other mamas who have ever felt like this just remember there is another mama out there who is struggling too. Feeding her kid American cheese for dinner.
<3 you got this