I was SO excited it was May! A fresh start, nice weather, my kitchen remodel, my sister’s wedding, and vacation…SO much to look forward to. I started May 1st off by completing my workout, and was even brave enough to weigh myself. WOW I was back down to pre-pregnancy weight. I was feeling really great about myself. Then I went dress shopping for my sister’s bachelorette party. My very positive/excited attitude changed into feeling so stupid. How could I think I could go dress shopping 3 months postpartum?! How did I think I actually looked good? How am I supposed to go to a nightclub?
It was all down hill from there. I bought nothing. The days to follow I had no energy, no motivation, and just pretty much hated myself. I started beating myself up about the way I looked, my parenting, my home, you name it. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I have hypothyroidism (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis). I went and got blood work done and was praying it was off and that that was to blame for my low energy and my low mood. NOPE. Bloodwork was perfect. It was my thoughts. All me. I am the one that made myself feel this way. I just let my mind keep abusing me. I was looking at a postpartum page on instagram and saw a mom with a 6 pack 8 weeks postpartum and I felt even worse. COMPARISON IS A COMPLETE JOY KILL.
FINALLY my very sweet husband told me his mother was watching our boys and we were going on a date. He knew I needed it. I was in a hoodie and sweatpants for three days, didn’t work out, barely cleaned, and just down right felt like someone sucked all of my joy and energy out of me. That someone was me. Besides getting out of the house and being on a date with my husband I figured out how to feel better.
I thought to myself, what would I say to my friend if she was feeling like this? I would say you are THREE months postpartum, you have TWO beautiful healthy babies that were in your womb for 9 months. YOU GREW THEM. Your body is amazing for doing everything that it did during those 9 months and during labor and delivery. The way to feel better is not to sulk and then start thinking that you are horrible at everything. You feel better by continuing to strive to NOT BE PERFECT but to be the best version of yourself. Sometimes we need to be our own friend.
So here I am. I am back. Take it or leave it but this is me. This is the best version of me for today. I am not saying I am “fat” I was just unhappy with my body, and that is totally okay. We all have “those days” but we need to not let it turn into “those weeks” or those “months.” We have to nip it in the bud and not let our thoughts get the best of us. We are all beautiful in our own way and in our childrens eyes we are perfection.
I love me for who I am and you should love yourself too.